


Round and Round

by roebling



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Real World, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 21:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5555807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngjae loves living with his hyung in Melbourne. When he has to return home to Seoul because of a visa problem, he's kind of dreading it, but an encounter with an old friend might just change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Round and Round

**Author's Note:**

> OMG this is the dumbest, stupidest, fluffiest silliest story ever. I intended to write it for Christmas, and well ... it's just a few days late. This isn't beta-read and I'm not really so concerned. It's just intended to be a bit of silly, diverting holiday fluff featuring one of my favorite (and much ignored) B.A.P pairings! I do hope someone enjoys it, in spite of that
> 
> PS if you enjoy B.A.P fic please check out [The Brownie Bunch](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/the_brownie_bunch_4/profile), which is a B.A.P fic fest I have helped run for several years. We moved to AO3 for the first time this year and we're really excited!

Youngjae hasn't unpacked his suitcases. He could, but what's the point? He's only going to be home for a month. He shouldn’t be home _at all_. He should be in Melbourne with his hyung, in their apartment, hanging out with their friends and enjoying summer, but somehow the renewal for his student visa has gotten messed up. He’s not sure if it’s his fault or the school’s fault or nobody’s fault at all, but he’d had to come back to Seoul, if temporarily, while things get sorted out. 

He's bored. It's not like being at home with his mom doting on him and his dad grilling him about his classes and his grades and his ten year plan is all that bad. The food is way better, definitely. (His hyung really cannot cook). And even though his parents can be kind of a drag, he has missed them.

It's just. He's bored. He has a whole routine -- a whole life -- in Melbourne. Sure, at first he'd been terrified at the prospect of going off to another country and leaving all his friends behind. He'd had _friends_ \-- Yongguk and Himchan, Daehyun and Jongup and Junhong. He’d be terrified that his hyung would be too busy for him and his English wouldn’t be good enough and he’d end up a recluse. 

Instead, things had been fine. Better than fine. He and his hyung get along great, most of the time, and Youngjae has plenty of friends. He loves his life in Melbourne. He hadn’t been planning on coming home. 

He rolls over onto his stomach. His room is familiar but strange. His mother hasn't touched it, just like she hasn't touched his hyung's room, even though his hyung has been in Australia for years. Youngjae’s StarCraft posters are still on his walls, even though it’s been years since he’s played. All his old clothes are hung in the closet. Old CDs stacked up on the shelf over his desk.

Who even has CDs any more?

Youngjae doesn't fit here anymore. This is all old news. Everything has stayed the same, but he's different. He's in his junior year of college. He's practically an adult.

He could get a jump on his readings for next term. He'd done the good thing and brought all his books home, but the thought of cracking open Principles of Microeconomics is incredibly depressing. He really will get around to studying eventually, but he's still trying to shake off his end of the semester malaise right now. Reading about microeconomics would be good, if he wanted to fall asleep at three in the afternoon, but he’s already taken a nap today. 

He’s _bored_. Everyone is busy now. Jongup is serving in the military, and Daehyun is down in Busan. Himchan and Yongguk are at work. Hmm. It’s four o’clock. Junhong should be out of school. He might be free. Youngjae was never very close with Junhong, not the way he was with Daehyun or Himchan, but they're good friends. Junhong's a good kid, and Youngjae likes him. It's high time they caught up, anyway.

He grabs his phone. Thankfully, he’s never deleted anyone’s number. 

_What are you doing right now? I'm bored._

\-----

There is a cafe near Himchan’s house where they'd met almost every day. It's a cozy place with  
great snacks and better coffee, lots of magazines to read and comfy chairs. The cafe still has the same planters out front. The little pine trees are covered in twinkly lights. It smells the same inside -- warm and comfortable, like roasting coffee and old paper -- and looks the same too, except there are a few more layers of notices and posters and stickers on the big notice board by the front door. One thing that is nice is that it’ll actually be _cold_ for Christmas this year. 

Youngjae looks around. Junhong's not here yet. He goes up to the counter and orders an iced Americano. In high school his order had been a Mocha with extra whip, but his palette has matured. He gets his coffee and gets the table in the back corner, which had always been their favorite table when it was free.

He takes out his phone, but he's got no new messages. He takes a sip of coffee. He grabs an old newspaper from the next table over and flips through the arts section, but there's nothing he cares to read.

He's about to text Junhong again when he hears someone call his name.

"Hyung! Youngjae hyung!"

This someone comes up to Youngjae's table and pulls out a chair. 

Youngjae stares. 

This person in front of him is easily six two, with broad shoulders and arm muscles that Youngjae can see even through his baggy sweater. His voice is deep and he's got some kind of strong movie star jawline and …

This isn't Junhong. There's no way this is Junhong.

Right?

"Hyung, are you okay?"

Youngjae opens his mouth to speak and ends up coughing instead. Stupid coffee went down the wrong pipe.

Junhong pounds him on the back. "Be careful hyung!"

Eyes streaming, Youngjae weakly says. "I'm fine, Junhong."

Junhong beams. And okay, he looks the same when he smiles. Kind of. Enough so that Youngjae can't even pretend that this isn't his dongsaeng.

Junhong slips off his coat, unwinds his scarf from around his neck, and brushes his bangs out of his eyes.

It's his dongsaeng all right, Youngjae thinks, looking like he just stepped out of some Vogue spread for a Italian design house. 

"Sorry I'm running late," Junhong says, casually smoothing his hair. He beams again, all dimples. "Hyung, it's so good to see you!"

This is terrible.

\-----

"When was the last time you saw Junhong?"

"Well, hello to you too," Daehyun says. "I'm doing fine, Youngjae. Thanks for asking. Rehearsals for the show are coming along swimmingly."

Youngjae rolls his eyes. "I know all that," he says. "Daehyun, you texted me twenty times during the first rehearsal. Twenty times. I’m not exaggerating."

Daehyun sniffs. "Well, you could still ask."

"When was the last time you saw Junhong?" Youngjae asks again.

"I don't know .. Probably not since the last time I was home for the summer, but that was a couple of years ago."

Daehyun goes to a very exclusive performing arts school, studying musical theater. All his breaks are taken up with drama camps and holiday plays and workshops and other theater-y things.

"Is something wrong?" Daehyun sounds concerned now. "He doesn't post on SNS that much, but I figured that's just Junhong. You know he's always been a little bit shy."

"No, no," Youngjae says in a rush. "He's fine. I just ..."

"What?" Daehyun sounds annoyed. "You're being weirder than usual."

"Daehyun," Youngjae says, gravely. "Junhong got hot."

There are several moments of silence.

"What?"

Youngjae exhales sharply. "He got hot. He's like six two and he's got all these muscles and he doesn't look like a dopey little kid any more and ..."

"Oh my god," Daehyun says. "You have a crush on Junhong." He bursts into laughter.

"No I don't! Daehyun, don't be stupid, I don't have a crush on Junhong. I was just surprised is all. I haven't seen him in a long time and I didn't expect to come back home and find him looking like some kind of model or something."

"You poor idiot," Daehyun says. "Good luck."

He's still laughing when he hangs up his phone.

Youngjae rolls over and pulls his pillow over his head. He should have known never to go to Daehyun for sympathy. This is really terrible.

\-----

"I need to buy some socks for my brothers," Junhong says, "And I think I'm gonna get my mom a cookbook."

"I need to go to a bookstore too," Youngjae says. "There's a book I want to get for my hyung."

"Good," Junhong says. He has his scarf wrapped around his face up to his nose, so his voice is muffled. This affectation -- born out of some absurd fear that he had a 'long chin' -- is one he has not outgrown. Now he looks hot and cute. "Maybe can stop and get hot chocolate when we're done."

Youngjae nods. "Sounds like a good idea."

They're out Christmas shopping, and the sidewalks are crowded. Seoul is bustling and bright this time of year. It snowed earlier, and everything is white and twinkly, and it’s very cold. Youngjae has always liked this time of year, and secretly missed being home those years he’d been in Melbourne. As lovely as it is to enjoy a beautiful balmy Christmas day, there’s something about going to the beach in December he just can’t get used to. 

"I asked Himchan hyung if he wanted to come," Junhong says. “He’s gotta work late though. He works all the time.” 

“Don’t remind me what I have to look forward to,” Youngjae grumbles. He’s already thinking about his resume and applying for jobs for after he graduates. 

“Stop worrying about that now,” Junhong says. "Too bad Daehyun’s down in Busan, and Jongup can’t get leave. If we could get Himchan and Yongguk out of the office, we’d actually all be together.” 

“Just like the old days,” Youngjae says. "Oh well. Things change. That's okay."

Junhong glances over at him, curiously silent. He looks for a moment like he’s going to say something, but then there’s someone coming towards them. The sidewalks are narrow and slushy and wet with old snow and new. Youngjae steps aside to get out of the way of a woman pushing an enormous baby carriage. He feels himself start to slip -- shoes sliding on the slick sidewalk. There’s a moment of vertigo and then there’s a strong arm around his waist, steadying him, holding him up. 

Junhong. Catching him and pulling him back up so easily.

"Be careful, hyung," he says. His hand hand lingers on Youngjae’s shoulder. 

Youngjae's cheeks are burning. "I um. Yeah. Sorry."

Junhong smiles. "No need to be sorry. I just don't want you to get hurt. Good thing I was here to catch you."

“Yeah. Good thing.” 

Youngjae is fucked.

\-----

It's a few days later and they're both in Youngjae's room. Youngjae is lying on his bed and Junhong is playing MarioKart on Youngjae's practically antique Wii. Except he's not really playing so much as waving the wand around dramatically and driving his little Yoshi off the side of the road.

"You're going to have to decide soon," Youngjae says. "I mean, if you want to take the college entrance exam next year, you better start studying." He pauses. "Unless you flunk everything second semester and have to repeat."

Junhong gives him a dirty look. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, hyung."

"I'm just saying," Youngjae says. “But seriously, Junhong. You have to figure out what you want to do."

"I know," Junhong whines. "You sound just like my mom."

Youngjae frowns. "Excuse me for being concerned about the future and wellbeing of my dear friend."

"I know, hyung," Junhong says. "I'm graduating. I need to figure out what I'm doing with my life and blah blah blah."

"I know it seems scary," Youngjae says sagely, "But it's really not. College is great."

Junhong rolls his eyes. "For you, I guess."

Youngjae sits up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Junhong pauses the video game and turns so they can actually see each other. "Nothing," he says. "I just mean you must really like it. You never come home."

Youngjae shrugs, slowly. "I like it," he says. "And, I don't know, it’s expensive to come home, and my brother is always traveling for work. Someone needs to water the plants. And I was gonna come home last summer but Jaebum ..."

Junhong's eyes narrow. "Jaebum. Who is he?"

“A friend," Youngjae says. He's still not used to this new, direct Junhong. "One of my friends."

"Oh," Junhong says, frowning. "Well, I don't know. You never talk about yourself. I thought maybe he was your boyfriend or something." There's something quiet and confused in his eyes. He turns back to the tv, and un-pauses his game.

"Of course not," Youngjae says quickly. "You remember The Thing, don't you? I don't date friends."

The Thing had been Youngjae's horrifyingly embarrassing crush on Yongguk, which he had nursed for years and years, even though he had known that Yongguk was straight. Junhong, closest of any of them to Yongguk (excepting Himchan, who could not be trusted not to blab), had been Youngjae's mostly willing confidant. After several mortifying and only just aborted confessions, Youngjae realized that mixing friendship and romance was a bad idea.

Just one more reason this crush on Junhong is so mortifying.

"Oh," Junhong says, in a low voice. "Right. I forgot."

"I wish I could forget," Youngjae says. "I can't believe how long you guys let me make an idiot of out myself. Yongguk must have thought I was so dumb, some stupid chubby little kid making moon eyes at him."

"Yongguk hyung would never think that," Junhong says, voice even lower. "And you're not a stupid chubby little kid."

"Not now, anyway," Youngjae says, dismissively.

"Not then either," Junhong says, sounding annoyed.

Youngjae rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he says. He doesn't want to talk about his embarrassing, childish crush.

Neither of them. There’s no point. He’s going back to college soon anyway. 

He grabs for the controller that Junhong's holding.

"If you're just going to keep dying, let me play."

\----

He wonders if Junhong feels it too. Sometimes, he thinks maybe -- yeah. He's got to. There's an almost electric connection between them. 

But it's also possible that Youngjae's just enduring a prolonged and extremely lifelike hallucination.

He _feels_ like he's losing his mind anyway. 

Because, like. Okay, yesterday they had just been walking around in Hongdae wasting time, because Youngjae's mother ws cleaning and he didn't want to be home for that. And Junhong seems to text him every afternoon now and ask what's up? What's he doing? Like Youngjae is doing anything other than lying on his bed and contemplating that really striking place where Junhong's neck meets his shoulder with a lobe of muscle he would like to sink his teeth into ...

"Hyung."

"Huh? What, Junhong?" No, bad. Youngjae can't lose his concentration like this when he's around Junhong. It will lead to only bad things.

"I asked if you minded if we stopped," Junhong says. "I need to get something for my little cousin."

They're standing outside an accessory store, the kind of place that sells hair clips and cheap jewelry and other stuff Youngjae doesn't really know about. 

"Sure," he says. "Whatever you want."

It's a bit riotous inside. Junhong fingers a necklace of plastic beads with a big blinking flower at the end.

"How old is your cousin?" Youngjae asks. Junhong doesn't talk about his family all that much. Youngjae hadn't even know he had a cousin.

"Seven," Junhong says.

"Cute," Youngjae says. He is the youngest in his family, and both his parents were the youngest in theirs, so he doesn't have any younger cousins or siblings to spoil. That's one of the reasons it’s so nice to have Junhong and Jongup around.

"She is really cute," Junhong says. "I wanna get her something good."

He stares in consternation at the racks of pretty headbands. He reaches out to pick one up -- fox ears -- then hesitates.

"Come here," he says.

"What?" Youngjae asks.

"You're pretty cute," Junhong says. "You can be my model."

Youngjae's brain does a kind of fuzzy short circuit thing. "Not cute," he mutters, but it is an extremely halfhearted defense

Junhong pulls a headband with two little antlers on it off the rack and slips it on to Youngjae's head. Youngjae's hair gets mussed, and Junhong smooths it down, gently. He narrows his eyes.

"What?" Youngjae asks.

"I don't know if I should go with something Christmas-y," he says.

"What about this?" Youngjae says, holding up a green headbands with staring frog eyes. He puts it on.

Junhong makes a face. "She doesn't like frogs. Try this one.” He holds out a headband with stars on springs bobbing up and down. 

Youngjae also tries on a giant bow, tiger ears, bunny ears, cat ears, a headband with a big purple flower, a tiara that lights up, and a sparkly fairy crown with trailing streamers.

"Just pick one," he says, losing patience with this exercise, smoothing down his hair.

"I don't know what she'll like," Junhong says, whining.

"I'm sure she'll like any of them," Youngjae says. He puts the fairy crown back on the rack.

"Wait," Junhong says. "Come here."

Youngjae steps over to the rack of hats he's looking at. Junhong picks one up and steps forward. Youngjae looks up at him (can't get over how tall he is -- is Junhong done growing, or is this going to get even worse?). They're standing so close that he can feel Junhong's body heat. Junhong leans close. They're looking at each other, and Youngjae opens his mouth. Junhong smiles this weird little half smile, and there’s a moment when Youngjae thinks ‘this has got to be it’ and then Junhong settles a hat on Youngjae's head and taps the brim down so that Youngjae can't see a thing.

Huffing, Youngjae straightens the hat. He stares at himself in the little mirror hanging over the display. His cheeks are flush and he's got a dazed look in his eyes. Gotta shake it off before Junhong notices. The hat. Right. It's got fuzzy bear ears.

"Cute," he says.

"Yeah," Junhong says. He's standing _right_ behind Youngjae. If Youngjae took one step back ...

Junhong snatches the hat off his head. "She'll love it," he says. "Thanks hyung."

Youngjae sags back against the wall as Junhong heads up to the counter to pay.

Fuck. He'd almost just done ... well. He doesn't know what, but whatever it was he surely would have regretted it.

He needs to get over this crush, somehow or another, before he makes an idiot out of himself and ruins everything with Junhong.

Maybe ... maybe he just needs to go on a date. With an actual college student. Someone his _own age_. 

Yeah. Maybe that will help.

\----- 

Youngjae makes a profile on a popular dating site. He puts up an okay picture of himself, and tries to make himself sounds charming, and sure enough he gets messages. Lots of messages, from good looking guys who tell him in great detail what they’d like to do with him. Some of them are interesting, and a few seem genuinely nice, but … none of them are Junhong. 

The notifications on his phone are a pain, popping up all the time. That’s the only he deletes his profile the next day. Definitely the only reason. 

\-----

"You should have come out last night," Himchan says by way of greeting. "We had a good time."

"Mmm," Youngjae says. "Good to see you too, hyung." 

Himchan narrows his eyes. "Stand up a second." 

Youngjae, who just sat down with his Americano, stands back up, frowning. "What?" 

Himchan looks him up and down, but doesn't say anything. 

"What?" Youngjae asks as he sits back down. 

"Well," Himchan says. "At least I'm still taller than _someone_." 

Youngjae laughs, but it comes out a little choked. "Jongup too." 

"Yeah," Himchan says, taking a sip of whatever whip-cream laden concoction he's ordered. "Jongup too. Daehyun says he grew six inches." 

"He's lying," Youngjae says. "Not _six_ inches, anyway." 

"So," Himchan says. "Where were you? Had a hot date?" 

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Youngjae says. "I just ... wasn't feeling up to hanging out last night." 

"Really?" Himchan says. "Because Junhong says you've two have been practically joined at this hip since you got home." 

Youngjae swallows. "No," he says. "Well. Uh. Nobody else has been around." 

"Ah," Himchan says, knowingly. 

"Now that you're around," Youngjae says. "I won't have to hang out with Junhong all the time. Not that I don't want to hang out with Junhong! I just ... You know. It's been too long since I've seen you, hyung." 

Himchan is smiling. "So there's no reason you'd be avoiding Junhong, huh?" 

Youngjae feels his face heat up. "Of course there's no reason I'd be avoiding Junhong. Like you just said, I've been spending way too much time with him. Junhong's great and all but he's just a kid and --" 

"Just a kid," Himchan says. "He's gotten awfully tall though, and he's gotten rather handsome. And hey, he's eighteen now -- I hope you remembered to send him a card -- so he's not really a kid at all, is he?" 

"Not really a kid," Youngjae mumbles, miserable. 

Himchan beams. "You have a crush on him! I knew it!" 

Youngjae hangs his head.

Himchan sighs. "This is what happen when I don't keep an eye on my dongsaengs. You and Junhong would just keep running around in circles, never getting anywhere, making everything worse and more confused." 

"I don't date friends. And I'm not going to make an idiot out of myself in front of Junhong." Youngjae doesn't want to talk about this. He clears his throat. "So, what's new with you, hyung?" 

Himchan rolls his eyes. "You'll need to do better than that, Youngjae. And you already make an idiot out of yourself in front of him. I don't see what that's got to do with you dating." 

"It's not going to happen," Youngjae says. 

"Why not?" Himchan asks. "Have you joined a cult and taken a vow of celibacy or something? I know people get into weird stuff in college but ..." 

"No," Youngjae says so loudly that the people at the next table look up and give him a dirty look. "No," he says, more quietly. "But hyung, come on. Junhong doesn't ... Listen, he's just humoring me because he knows I'm a loser who didn't have anyone else to hang out with." 

Himchan rolls his eyes. He takes a sip of his coffee. He takes out his phone and checks his messages. Youngjae's coffee is cold, but he drinks it anyway. He likes Himchan a lot, but Himchan is _smart_ and he always sees through Youngjae's bullshit. 

"You know what Junhong talked to me about last night?" Himchan asks, after a moment. 

"What?" 

"It wasn't music, for once," Himchan says, "or anyone at school. It wasn't his family. It wasn't whatever new skateboard trick he's learned." 

"Yeah?" Youngjae asks.

"He must have talked for an hour about when you two went ice skating last week, about how you lost control and crashed into a tree. About how he thought you’d knocked yourself out and he was going to have to carry you back to the road and hail a cab to save your life. He told me that you went shopping and he made you try on stupid bows. He showed me pictures of the stupid bows. He told me that he beat you at Mario Kart --" 

"One time! One time he beat me!" Youngjae interrupts. "One time out of I don't know how many dozens of ..." 

"Apparently it was a very meaningful victory," Himchan says dryly, "because he wouldn't shut up about it. He wouldn't shut up about _you_ " 

Youngjae frowns. "What's your point?" 

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?" Himchan asks. "What do you think it means?" 

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Youngjae says, annoyed. “Finish your coffee. We’re going to be late for the movie.” 

Himchan graciously lets the subject die. 

\----- 

"Are you coming tomorrow?" 

"What?" Youngjae looks up. "Coming where?" 

Junhong frowns. "The party," he says. "Himchan's party. I know he told you." 

Youngjae remembers now: a text from Himchan about some party at a club that one of his work contacts is sponsoring. Youngjae had ignored it. Of course, he hadn't realized Himchan would invite Junhong too. 

"Aren't you too young for that kind of thing?" Youngjae asks. 

"Too young for what?" 

"Clubs. Drinking. Debauchery." Youngjae waves his hands abstractly. "That kind of thing." 

"I don't think there's going to be much debauchery. Himchan’s friends are _classy_ ," Junhong says dryly. Implying what? That Youngjae isn’t?

"And I'm not a kid." 

Youngjae swallows. He knows that. "I don't know," he says. “I’m pretty busy.” 

"Busy doing what? Rereading Naruto for the eight hundredth time?" 

Youngjae's cheeks get hot. "I haven't read it eight hundred times, Junhong," he says. "And what's wrong with that anyway?" 

Junhong rolls his eyes. "Nothing's wrong with it," he says. "But you should come to the party. There’s supposed to be _famous people_ there." 

"We'll see," Youngjae says, feeling grumpy and crotchety. He _likes_ parties. He's a social person. Ordinarily he'd be the first in line. Everything is just ... weird right now, and he's not sure he can go somewhere and have fun without making it weird too. 

"Come on hyung," Junhong says. "It won't be the same without you." 

\-----

He debates all evening about whether or not to go. Himchan has to work late _again_ and can't make it until later, which means that Junhong and Yongguk are the only people Youngjae will know.

It's not like that's a bad thing, but that's the problem, isn't it? 

He's not gonna go. He starts reading some book he found in his brother's room. It's okay, but not exactly a page turner. He goes downstairs to bother his mom, but she's getting ready to go out with some friends of hers. Youngjae tries reading again. He holds the book open, but doesn't see any of the words on the page. He's thinking about the club, what will happen if he goes .... what will happen if he doesn't. Junhong will be there, either way, and if Youngjae goes, maybe ... maybe they can reach some kind of conclusion. Maybe Youngjae can work up some kind of nerve and actually tell Junhong how he feels. 

He feels that Junhong is really hot and very funny and a great person. Does that count as a confession?

But if he doesn't go, Junhong is going to talk to other people. He's going to laugh, and smile his dumb smile, and other people are going to realize how amazing he is. This crowd is going to be full of models and singers and all kinds of rich and fabulous people. Even in such a crowd, Junhong would stand out. 

Youngjae isn't a jealous person, and he doesn't think this is jealousy. Junhong can do anything he wants, and charm anyone he wants, and break as many other hearts as he'd like. Youngjae just wants to set everything straight between them first. That's fair, isn't it? Fair for both of them. 

He gets up and reaches for his jacket. 

\-----

The club is packed and the music is loud. There’s a man at the door who looks at him suspiciously, even though his black jeans and black tee shirt and blazer aren’t that out of place. Luckily, Himchan really did put his name on the list. Youngjae texted Junhong earlier but never got a response. He feels tired. He's not ready for this. 

Inside it's dark but there are Christmas lights hung up everywhere. The music is thunderous. This is a big place, almost labyrinthian in the dark. Someone smiles at Youngjae and says, "Bar’s that way.” 

That sounds like a good idea.

A lot of other people have the same good idea. The bar is packed and Youngjae has to struggle not to get pushed to the side. Finally, he’s at the front of the crowd, but it’s so loud he can barely hear the bartender. There’s a menu of cocktails, printed especially for the evening -- this really is a classy event, noise and crowd aside. 

“I’ll have the Jingle Juice,” Youngjae screams. 

That should be safe right? It sounds festive enough. 

The bartender comes back a moment later with a big glass full of something pink, with cranberries and limes floating in it. Youngjae takes a sip. It's sweet and faintly redolent of nail polish remover. His eyes water. He takes another sip. Strong, cheap booze don't seem too far off the mark for this night. 

He wanders back towards the dance floor. People are talking, engaged, having a great time. If Youngjae doesn't find Junhong soon, he's gonna walk home. There's no other reason he's here. 

The noise is almost deafening here, and the press of the crowd is intense. There is knot of people dancing. Youngjae doesn't really like dancing. He's not that bad at it, but he feels like he's making an idiot out of himself, even when he isn't. These people aren't exactly great, either, not most of them. There's one guy, back to Youngjae, who is evidently better than the others. He moves smoothly, dipping down and back up, moving in time with a woman in a spangled dress who is beside him. They're not dancing together, exactly, but they’re not _not_. The woman dips low. The man’s big hands find her waist and guide her back up. She tips up her head and smiles. The man smiles too. 

It’s Junhong. 

He turns, and fuck, it really is Junhong. His hair is slicked back off his face and he’s wearing dark jeans that make his legs look eight thousand miles long. (Longer than the distance between Seoul and Melbourne -- no, that’s not right. This is only Youngjae’s first drink, right?) 

He and the woman don’t kiss, but they come close, lips centimeters apart before they pull back and Junhong dips the woman low. Youngjae drains the last of his drink. He’s gonna need another. 

\-----

"So, yeah," Youngjae says. He's feeling the effects of that third glass of punch. He's never exactly been a heavyweight. "I don't think, like, there's anything wrong with profit or anything, right? Like, everyone should profit but --"

He can't really remember what his professor last semester had said about systems of production, but he can make something up. The guy he's talking to has a glazed look in his eyes and if anything he's swaying worse than Youngjae is. Youngjae can't remember his name, or was never told it.

That's okay.

He's handsome, this guy, in a generic way. Not as good looking as Junhong, of course, but Youngjae's crush on Junhong was always kind of a joke. What was he thinking? Junhong is not into him. Junhong is never going to be into him. That's how it's always been, for Youngjae. He's never going to get what he wants, so he might as well settle.

"You've got a cute mouth," the guy says. 

Okay, Youngjae can settle for that.

"Thanks," he says, and he smiles. "You've got a cute, uh, eyes."

Not so smooth. The guy doesn't notice. Thank god.

Youngjae takes another sip of punch. He licks his lips. The guy is watching him. The music in the other room is louder now. Youngjae can feel the vibrations through the soles of his shoes.

"Do you want to go outside?"

The guy pushes his hair out of his eyes. He's got nice hair, too. "Sure," he says.

Outside, not around front by the main entrance, but into an alley. The night is bright with the light of the city and the light of the almost full moon. Bright, and very cold. Youngjae is just wearing a blazer. He's not warm enough. He wraps his hands into the sleeves. The guy takes a pack of cigarettes out of a jacket pocket. Ugh. Youngjae doesn't like smokers, doesn't like the smell, can't stand the taste.

He reaches up and puts his hand on the guy's wrist.

"Can you just ..." 

Muddy-eyed confusion.

Youngjae huffs, annoyed, and steps forward right into the guy's space. There's an awkward shuffling moment, but then they're kissing, hot skin and stale beery breath.

It's the kind of thing that could progress, if they let it. Youngjae drops his empty cup and the guy figures out that he should be doing something (and seems inclined enough to do it) so he gets a hand up on Youngjae's neck in a way that feels reassuring.

Then Youngjae’s phone buzzes. 

“Fuck,” he mutters into the guy’s mouth, pulling back. “Hold on one second.” 

He fumbles his phone out of his pocket. It’s a text from Yongguk. 

_I just got here and Himchan said you were here._

Youngjae wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. His nameless friend takes out his pack of cigarettes again.

Youngjae really hates the taste of smoke. 

_I’m here. Where are you?_

“A friend of mine got here,” he tells the guy, who’s already lit up. He shrugs. 

That would hurt, if Youngjae let it. 

_Inside. Upstairs._

_I’m coming_

Back into the din. The floors are sticky. Youngjae pushes through the crowded hallway back past the bar. He has to cross in front of the dance floor to get to the stairs, but he can’t see Junhong. Maybe he and the women have … 

No. It doesn’t pay to imagine ridiculous things. Junhong is like a _little puppy_. He probably just went to get a soda. 

Upstairs, it’s much less crowded. An older, more sophisticated crowd sits around small tables, lounges on white leather banquettes. Waitpeople glide silently past with trays full of drinks. The noise from downstairs is (slightly) muted, and at the end of the balcony there’s an area behind black velvet cordons where the _very_ exclusive must be housed. 

That’s where Junhong’s famous people are, Youngjae thinks, a little drunkenly. 

Someone calls his name. He turns, and looks up, and see Yongguk grinning at him from a table halfway down. Even now, even so many years later, Yongguk’s smile makes Youngjae’s heart do a little pitter-pat. 

“Hey hyung,” he says, smiling.

“Youngjae,” Yongguk says. “It’s so good to see you!” 

“You too,” Youngjae says. 

Yongguk scoots over in the booth to make room for him to sit, and only then does Youngjae realize that Yongguk isn’t sitting here alone. 

Of course he isn’t. 

“This is Jieun,” Yongguk says. “I’ve been working with her.” 

She smiles graciously and holds out her hand. Youngjae keeps his cool, hopefully. He’s trying. He knows _exactly _who Song Jieun is, and he knows that Yongguk is producing her new album.__

__“It’s so nice to meet some of Yongguk’s friends,” she says. “He never talks about himself.”_ _

__“It’s nice to meet you too,” Youngjae says._ _

__“So where’s Junhong?” Yongguk asks._ _

__Youngjae frowns. “How should I know?”_ _

__Yongguk frowns. “Oh,” he says. “Uh. I thought you two were coming together? Junhong said you were …”_ _

__“No,” Youngjae says. “We didn’t.”_ _

__“Oh,” Yongguk says. “Is he here?”_ _

__“He’s here,” Youngjae says airly. “I think. I was talking to this guy I met.”_ _

__Yongguk is looking at him very oddly. “Youngjae, I must be confused. I thought you and Junhong were …” He trails off._ _

__“Were what?” Youngjae narrows his eyes._ _

__“Um,” Yongguk says. “Dating. Or something.”_ _

__“What?” Youngjae narrows his eyes. “Dating? Of course we’re not dating. I mean, Junhong is a litlte kid, and even if he weren’t a little kid, we wouldn’t be dating. I don’t date friends, and I’m going back to Melbourne, and Junhong wouldn’t want to date me anyway. He’s probably got legions of admirers. Why would he want to date me?”_ _

__“Hey, hey. Calm down,” Yongguk says, grinning. “Youngjae, Junhong is only two years younger than you.”_ _

__“I know,” Youngjae says, flushed. Song Jieun is watching him with a faint smile on her face._ _

__“And I only thought you were dating because Junhong won’t stop talking about you. He um … I think he _likes_ you.” _ _

__Youngjae frowns. "No," he says. "He doesn't ..."_ _

__Yongguk shrugs. “I’m not good at this stuff like Himchan is, but I kind of think he does.”_ _

__Song Jieun clears her throat. She rests one hand on Yongguk’s. “Yongguk, honey, I don’t know if you’re the best person to be giving advice right now. Youngjae, do you like this Junhong boy?”_ _

__Youngjae nods, miserably._ _

__Jieun beams at him. “Good,” she says. “Why don’t you just go tell him, then?”_ _

__Youngjae blanches. “I don’t date friend and --”_ _

__“Ah,” Jieun says. “No excuses. Worry about that stuff later. Just go tell your boy that you think he’s great.”_ _

__“He’s gonna laugh at me.” Youngjae says, head hanging._ _

__“Junhong wouldn’t do that,” Yongguk says, solemn. “Not to anyone.”_ _

__“And it sounds like he especially wouldn’t do that to you,” Jieun says. “LIsten to me, Youngjae. Just go find him. Tell him how you feel. He’s not going to read your mind.” She glances over at Yongguk, then, eyes shaded. “He’s probably feeling just as insecure as you are. Maybe he just wants to hear it from you.”_ _

__Youngjae sighs. “Maybe I could just text him …”_ _

__

__“No!” Jieun and Yongguk say in unison. They turn to look at each other. Jieun smiles._ _

__Youngjae sighs again. He’s tired and the drunk is starting to wear off._ _

__“Fighting,” Yongguk says, grinning._ _

__“Fighting,” Song Jieun echoes._ _

__\----_ _

__Junhong is not on the dance floor. He’s not by the bar. It’s getting later and the party is crowded. The crowd moves with a sticky grace, like molasses. Youngjae is too hot. He takes off his blazer and carries it under his arm. He texts Junhong again, but Junhong hasn’t responded to his texts all night._ _

__He’s annoyed, and tired. He should go back and tell Yongguk that he’s wrong. Junhong isn’t waiting around for him. He’s probably found someone else and gone off too ---_ _

__“Unf.” Youngjae gasps as he runs smack into someone. “I’m so sorry.”_ _

__"Hyung, there you are.”_ _

__It’s Junhong. He looks a little disheveled. His hair is mussed._ _

__Youngjae swallows._ _

__"Hey," Youngjae says. "This is a good party, huh."_ _

__Junhong shrugs. He looks pale. "It's okay," he says. "I got sick of dancing. It's hot in there."_ _

__"Do you want to go outside?" Youngjae asks. The cool air would feel good right now._ _

__Junhong holds the door open for him. There’s still a line of people queuing to get in. It’s noisy and the air is thick with cigarette smoke._ _

__“Let’s go down there,” Junhong says, pointing down the street to a dark, quiet storefront. It’s cold out here, which feels nice. The noise of the party recedes as they go down the block. Youngjae sits down tiredly on the top step. Junhong sits beside him, close enough so that their shoulders bump. There is pine roping hung up around the door and down the banisters of the stairs, and it makes everything smell fresh and good._ _

__“You didn’t answer any of my texts,” Youngjae says, annoyed. He’s not in a good mood. He wishes he’d never come._ _

__“I forgot my phone,” Junhong says in a quiet voice. “I would have called a cab hours ago, but I forgot my phone.”_ _

__Oh. “What were you gonna do?” Youngjae asks._ _

__“Wait for Himchan, I guess,” Junhong says. “I don’t know.”_ _

__“I saw you dancing,” Youngjae says. “It looked like you were having a good time.”_ _

__Junhong shrugs again. His gelled hair is messy now, falling in front of his eyes. “I like dancing,” he says. “Most of those people were just drunk, though.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Youngjae says. He knows he’s supposed to say something, but what? “Um, sorry I didn’t find you.”_ _

__“It’s okay,” Junhong says. “You were probably busy talking to people.”_ _

__“No,” Youngjae says. “Not really. Junhong … I only came tonight because you were gonna be here.”_ _

__Junhong closes his eyes, and laughs a tiny, halfhearted laugh. “Hyung, I only came because I thought you’d want to go. I thought … I thought you were sick of hanging out with some stupid kid.”_ _

__“No,” Youngjae says. “Junhong, of course not. I’m not sick of hanging out with you.”_ _

__Junhong stares down at his feet. "I'm glad you came home," he says. "I know you didn't want to, but I'm glad you did."_ _

__Youngjae swallows. "No," he says. "I know I hadn't planned to, but I'm glad I did too."_ _

__He almost says something more._ _

__Junhong hunches his shoulders. He tucks his fingers under his thighs._ _

__"Hyung," he says, a little plaintively._ _

__"What?" Youngjae asks. "What, Junhong?"_ _

__"Look up, hyung," Junhong says._ _

__Youngjae looks up. A sprig of mistletoe is hanging over the door. He glances over at Junhong, who is smiling at him with hazy, warm eyes._ _

__Junhong kisses him, soft and close-mouthed. He smells sweet and a little spicy._ _

__Youngjae closes his eyes._ _

__Junhong pulls back, and breathes in deeply. "Sorry," he says, sounding so exhausted. "Hyung, I'm sorry. I don't know what..."_ _

__"No," Youngjae says. "No, Junhong. You don't have to be sorry." He swallows. "I've ... uh. I've been wanting to do that for a while."_ _

__"Oh." Junhong's eyes are huge and round. "What?"_ _

__Youngjae shrugs, feeling small and miserable. "I'm an idiot."_ _

__"Hyung, you're not," Junhong says, vehement. "Why didn't you just say something? I thought ... but you kept acting so ... uninterested. I thought you were just putting up with me because you had nobody else to hang around with. I thought you thought I was just some dumb kid."_ _

__"No," Youngjae says, although maybe it had been a little bit like that, at first. "Junhong, you’re awesome. You’re funny and nice and … and you’re really hot, okay? You could have anyone, and I’m going back to Melbourne in a few months. It just … Why would you want to anything to do with me?”_ _

__Junhong rolls his eyes. “Because I like you,” he says. “I have, for a long time. Because I think you’re gorgeous and you’re funny and you’re so smart it’s kind of scary. And you’re nice.” He sighs. “I know you’ve gotta go back to school, but … maybe we could just not worry about that for right now?”_ _

__"Oh," Youngjae says. "Okay, that works." He frowns. “Yongguk and Himchan didn’t put you up to this, did they?”_ _

__Junhong rolls his eyes. “Okay, I take back what I said about you being so smart. Youngjae, I really, really like you. You’re awesome, and I think you're really hot, soooo ....”_ _

__"Oh," Youngjae says._ _

__"I know it’s um. We can just take things one at a time, right?" Junhong says, pleading. His cheeks are red. God, he's so cute._ _

__"That sounds good," Youngjae says, stupidly. Is it really this easy?_ _

__Junhong smiles. "Good," he says. He glances up at the mistletoe hanging over their heads. "Maybe I can start by kissing you again?"_ _

__Youngjae nods. He's supposed to be the one who can speak well, but right now he has no words at all. "Um, yeah," he says._ _

__Junhong grins, and leans forward, and okay. This is good. This isn't terrible at all._ _


End file.
